I think. A lot. Probably too much. I used to suffer from severe insomnia, and when I saw a professional about it, they said it was because my mind was running too much. The minute my head hits the pillow, I’m thinking at 80mph. That makes it hard to go to sleep, and then if I wake up, even harder to get back to sleep.
What that means is that not only do I think about the things I have to do and what’s going on in my everyday life, but I think about my alternate life. For me, my alternate life often means what would happen if I made a trip to NY or happened to run across someone famous in an airport bar.
These are not just the big-picture, life’s dreams thoughts.
I can literally map out entire conversations for pseudo events that all depend on an extreme alignment of the stars. I think it’s because of this habit I have an excessive sense of déjà vu.
Rarely do I ever bring this alternate reality into my normal life. It can slip every once and a while. Like when you’re having some general conversation, and someone asks, “What do you think it takes to get your own reality tv show?” I probably have a very long detail-oriented answer for that.
When there is slippage, it’s all the feelings. I rarely ever feel “meh” about anything anyways, and especially if I’ve done some serious thinking, I’ve got a love/hate extreme going on. That applies to things, food, companies, events, and especially people.
Having extreme feelings about people because of scenarios worked out in your head is dangerous business. You could end up amped up over a boss and begin a meeting already pissed off, and no one knows why. Or you find that you really respect someone but the intensity could come across as crazy, stalker feelings.
Hence why this can have a bearing on your decisions.
For example: You have a friend in a certain location, and you think moving for them is the right idea because you might end up getting married (no matter you haven’t ever dated). You could be putting all your eggs in a non-existent basket. Decisions like this get made all the time. At the moment, it may feel like a wonderful leap of faith, but it’s because you ignored people knocking on the reality door!
If you do think, dream, and process these kinds of alternate scenarios, don’t let them cloud real life.
- For important decisions, create the pro/con lists. They will help keep you straight.
- If other people would be impacted by your decisions, check in with them. You may make assumptions about their feelings when you could be totally off-base.
- Share your thoughts. Find a way to share some of these stories with others, either a best friend or even a journal. Just get them out of your head.
- Refocus the alternate life. If you find that you might steer towards lots of negative thoughts, think positively. Or if you always think about glory in Hollywood, maybe think about glory in your job. You’ll be happy with achieving something.
Do you ever feel that your alternate life takes over your real life? What tips do you have for staying grounded? When is it ok to let alternate life take over?
Photo credit.
Love this post, Emily! And I love the idea of the “alternate life.” I usually file mine under Dreams…I’m always carrying around at least one moleskine that I briefly jot down what’s bumping around in my head on any given day. Sometimes its the invention of the life I’m creating for myself down the road – that Dream Life that I know one day will be reality. Sometimes it’s blog post ideas, recipes, or ideas for my current projects at work. But I like mashing it all up in one (offline) place, so I can leaf back in time and see where I’m coming from, and see where themes are repeating.
Hey Jenn, I was told to jot things down, too! It does help to get it down somewhere, and if it’s offline, then you can keep things straight 🙂 It’s interesting you bring up themes. I guess if you asked me right away, I would say there are themes to my own alternate/dream life sequences, though I’d have to think really hard to tell you what they were. I might start doing what you do to keep things documented, then look back to what I see. I could end up surprised…
Hiya Em!
Great post! This happens to a lot of folks that I know. I have to say, I’m not really one of them. I mean we all entertain the “what if?” thoughts, but generally, I tend to stay away from alternate realities. My thinking is, that if its meant to happen it will.
And if one of these alterates actually wants to become real, my suggestion is just to make a map of making it happen, with all due consideration for all the things you said above i.e. talking to the right people, sharing your plans, weighing your options.
It’s a good idea to be cognizent of the fact that sometimes those realities don’t quite pan out…and sometimes with careful thought and planning, they can.
Mehnaz, when it comes to making future plans for your life, we do want to accomplish our dreams. It is all in the planning. And while I may not plan how exactly I end up being a biker chick or big movie producer, if I really, really wanted it, then I can do some planning. For every one of us who wants to move forward to management in a company, someone wants to win an Academy Award. It takes planning. You hit on it though, there’s a reality check. There’s a series of decisions to be made for anything, and go do the research to help move you along. While our generation may be said to be entitled, I think many of us actually know how to move things along certain paths, as opposed to waiting for discovery…Thanks for the comment!
You said: For important decisions, create the pro/con lists. They will help keep you straight.
I ALWAYS do that, thanks to my Grandma Nancy who would sit me down and make pro/con lists for every big decision, and 9 times out of 10, they were right.
I have an alternate life I would love to live, but since I’ve became married and started my own business, that life is far away. However, it means that I try to live small bits of that day by day and it helps satisfy a craving for doing something different.
Hey Ryan, I started my list habit when my dad used to have us create study schedules for finals in high school. He taught us to map out plans, and then that eventually started the pro/con lists. This came in handy when in college I was on a path that had a lot of sciences and it gave me so much anxiety I was dreading going back to school after the holiday break. We wrote things down, what my passions were, other interests, even took the MBTI, and after all that, turns out I was a Marketing gal. In talking to friends, they said, “No duh.” For me, the lists checks not only what I should do, but what I want to do. It can be where I work all that stuff out so I can make the best decisions for me.
As far as where your alternate life comes into little daily reminders, I do that, too. For some reason, I think it would be fun to be in a scary movie. While I don’t imagine myself actually on a set covered in fake blood, I watch those movies all the time. Turns out, that’s good enough (and cleaner). I think that’s a great way to balance your alternate life and reality.
“Rarely do I ever bring this alternate reality into my normal life,” you say, but you ARE doing so because you ARE coming to NY! Yay!! Okay, moving on from my excitement…I know exactly what you mean. I’m a big thinker and over analyzer, and I have a very big imagination. I think you give great suggestions for managing your alternate life. Having some way to express your thoughts and feelings is really important, as is refocusing and being able to stop yourself when you go too far. It’s okay to dream. In fact, I highly encourage it. You just have to make sure you don’t get so wrapped up in your dreams that you miss out on reality. Great post!
Sam, you got me! Very true, I did let the NY trip through…I’ve been thinking about it for well over a year, all the different things I’d do, all the people I’d meet…In some cases, it’s probably good to let the alternate life seep through, especially if it’s feasible. That’s probably the big lesson here: Don’t NOT go after alternate reality dreams that fit within your realm of reality. You can miss out just as much there…that’s probably when you end up with people who have a lifetime of regrets. I know I don’t want to be that way…
Thanks Sam! Woot!
You sound like JD in Scrubs…
Is that a good thing?
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