We know that adage: Opposites attract.
Sadly, it doesn’t always work that way. I think it’s because our true opposite is really too different. Gaps might be filled, but that brings you back to neutral. You may not exactly grow, and change is probably more effort than it’s worth.
When we think about opposites that do work, really, they’re probably more like complements.
Complements, I like to think, are opposites where the they add value for balance. Like the color wheel, red and green are complements. They don’t just symbolize Christmas, but memories, family, winter, vacations, etc. See, you get increased value from the combination because you often consider them together instead of negating each other.
In the workplace, opposites aren’t usually productive. If a dominant manager prefers people to agree with him and get things done, he may surround himself with submissive (or doormat) direct reports. Sure, things may get done, but then what?
A complement to this manager might be someone who is willing to challenge ideas, work out efficient and effect processes, and play a role in making the team better beyond its potential. This complement doesn’t need to be dominating at all, and could be considered an opposite, but they still share a quality: wanting to provide good work.
You take out the layer of competition that often arises with true opposites. Instead, you find yourself united in a goal and focus the energy not used in competing elsewhere.
Of course, we know this is more than true in our personal lives. I recently re-read Emily Giffin’s Something Borrowed, and the long-and-short of it is that one couple was so opposite, you constantly wondered how they stayed together for so long. She plays up opposites in the book, and even notes: “I remember that my mother once told me that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.”
The opposite is really the absence, whereas the complement could be something similar in nature but different in presence: love and hate are both passionate feelings. I wouldn’t necessarily say hate is the complement of love, but you see why they aren’t quite opposites when you throw in the option of indifference.
We should think of our lives in terms of complements more often. They go together, and can sometimes be better than we thought.
What kinds of complementary personalities or work styles have worked with your own? Where did you see being complements instead of opposites impact your professional or personal life? Are there times when you really do need to be opposites?
Photo Credit.
My favorite complement is a devil’s advocate. I like someone who can challenge my assumptions without being a complete prick about it.
Also, kudos for debunking the myth about opposites.
Hey Jake, I can tell you like devil’s advocates. It’s always interesting when there is a challenge, although I prefer it all in good fun instead of someone looking to break me down. Thanks!
[…] Back in science class (yes, the same one that taught us Pluto was a planet), we were taught that opposite ends of magnets attract. Magnets aren’t the only opposites that attract — there is a truth to the age-old love adage that opposites attract. None of us want to date a mirror image of ourselves, that would be boring (not to mention creepy if you were dating your identical twin…). But seriously, when we are dating, we crave someone different than we are. We need someone to balance out with our craziness, someone to taking our minds off the stresses from work, someone to challenge us, someone to make us better — someone who complements us. […]
[…] believe that you should find people who complement you; however, there’s something more to it than just finding someone who helps bring out the […]