There are some people who like to argue for the sake of arguing. I’m not one of those people. I’ll share an opinion, and yes, if there are counter opinions, I will listen. But a full blown argument with heated voices? I really don’t like it. It’s why I never took a religion course in college.
For me, it’s because I don’t see an argument as being productive. Since I don’t seek out disagreements, most of my experience with arguments comes from fighting with my brothers when we were kids. It’s juvenile. When I get suckered into an argument, I feel like I’m four again, and my brother pinched me and ran away.
So when someone loves to argue because it brings “energy” and “passion” to the workplace, I think of the pinching little boy.
The pinching little boy is likely not offering anything productive, only acknowledges himself as a trouble-maker when he gets caught, and misses the point of what he should be doing. Unfortunately, we know plenty of grown-ups just like this. And the problem can be on a larger scale than we think.
Imagine my surprise when I heard a story from a priest about a church so busy arguing about whether or not the Episcopalian Church should be ordaining gay priests and bishops that the church itself had done little-to-no outreach to the community for years. The entire purpose for the church was negated because the congregation spent energy arguing.
We see this in business all the time. A company in survival mode after the first hit from the recession had employees all working with their heads down, trying to bring in enough money just to keep the lights on. Leaders who did not understand the intricate operational processes thought “it was too quiet.” All of a sudden, fires were started to make it look like people were doing something. Instead of letting projects run smoothly, leaders were inserting themselves into projects, messing with the status quo, and making an already difficult situation even harder for a dwindling group of resources.
This behavior means more people lose jobs. Clients walk away. And the lights go out.
This business scenario is repeated all over the world. You don’t even need to be in hard times for it to happen because the pinching little boy will always find a way to pick an argument, insert himself where he doesn’t belong, and just plain drive people crazy.
If you end up the victim of the pinching, find a way to get out. If it’s arguments, avoid getting heated. You can turn an argument into a discussion, taking the emotion out of the situation. If there are fires or obstacles that appear for no reason at all, navigate around them. Identify who’s putting them in your way, and work with others to set up your own safe-guards.
Remember, you can always ask, “What’s the point?” If arguments and obstacles do not directly impact the purpose for your organization’s existence, then it should be easy to remove them.
If you are the pinching boy, then realize it. Know we all think that you’re sitting in a dirty diaper because after everyone’s given up on changing you, you still couldn’t find a way to change yourself.
Hat tip to the Rev. Dr. Roy Moore for inspiring this post. Photo credit.
The arguments that you describe are truly unproductive. It’s all about how you conduct your disagreements. Sometimes I play the Devil’s advocate. When people disagree with us, it makes us dig deeper to make our points and question our viewpoints, which can make or break our opinions. But vicious arguing for the sake of it, that does no one any good.
Jake, I think playing Devil’s advocate in situations where you need to think of possibilities is great. I’ve also heard people say they have the Dummy-proof conversation (how you get to those instructions reminding you to take the plastic off the pizza). I think it’s hard to remember boundaries sometimes. It’s frustrating when you’re in a good rhythm with a Devil’s advocate conversation, then you do pass into the arguing for arguing’s sake. You run the chance of ruining productivity from earlier because everyone gets angry later. Thanks for the comment!
“Know we all think that you’re sitting in a dirty diaper because after everyone’s given up on changing you, you still couldn’t find a way to change yourself.”
Great line to close on.
Thanks Ty, usually my one-liners end up on the side of cheesy…
I have to admit, I do love to argue. I think the difference between what you’re describing and useful arguments is respect. When there is mutual respect, you can have the heated, passionate arguments and it’s really fun and productive. When you don’t have respect, it disintegrates quickly.
Howdy Rebecca, I think what you’re talking about is what I would consider a discussion. Respect plays a huge part in that, and passion isn’t mixed up with anger. I think what you also highlight is that it’s easy to have a positive discussion fall apart. All you need is one person to roll their eyes, and all of a sudden, people can get defensive. Funny jokes become bitter sarcasm, people can start attacking, and respect goes out the window. Not productive at all…
There needs to be a clear distinction made between the type of arguing you’re describing here (this kind of arguing seems silly and I think you are spot-on!) and intellectual arguing.
Since I’ve been in the “real world” for a while now, I’ve had to un-teach myself intellectual arguing (a necessity in my crazy undergrad institution) when I feel inspired by an idea. It’s really sad, I think, that I reserve truly intellectual discussions for folks who I know can take it– and will give it right back to me (because, as Jake points out, this arguing can really help the arguers grow and form opinions, arguements, etc). In regard to Rebecca’s comment, I actually *only* argue with people I respect–so I agree that’s key.
In short, I think arguing is actually a good thing. But I agree that “missing the point” is really lame.
Hi Colleen, you’re right. If you’re not angrily yelling at each other, I tend to think of that as a discussion. You can be passionate, but you’re not likely to walk away and want to key someone’s car or cry in the bathroom.
Intellectual debates can be fun as well, especially when you’re covering topics that you don’t usually run into day-to-day. Philosophy, art, and literature are biggies for me, and I usually stay away from religion and politics. And respect is so important…you probably want to have fun debates with these people again! Thanks for the comment!
Wow, Emily. Well said. Really.
Thanks Pearl! Shout out to your blog too!
Love your analogy of ‘the pinching boy’. It cracked me up! I think that pointless arguing at the workplace is a sign of professional insecurity. It’s your mind’s subconscious way of making a struggling attempt at being noticed as someone who is ‘passionate’. Its something I’ve seen more often than not with newer hires, people new to a team, or anyone basically who is stupid enough to think that getting your voice heard for anything is just as good as getting your voice heard.
I remember getting sucked into many such useless arguments at my first job by a singular colleague. I made a pretty huge effort to control myself to make sure I don’t get involved.
Sabera, wow, what a thought-provoking response! It sounds like you’re spot on with the idea that arguing can be a sign of professional insecurity. A lot of people do things to distract others: starting arguments, scheming, being super flashy, etc. Whatever can be done so people don’t see they’re underperforming.
Thanks for the comment!