I was a ballerina growing up. Sure, I played a number of other sports, but anywhere from 4-16 hours a week was spent in a dance studio. I was never in a location long enough to compete, so the “competition” moments for me would be at the annual dance recital. I’d be a part of the corps, dancing with larger groups in the back.
We didn’t get trophies, but if you got a solo, you were gold.
Every time one of the regulars got a solo, I felt the same sense of loss as when I missed a soccer goal or came in last at the swim meet. There were flowers and kind words, but never that solo. Taking my place in the back was always associated with failure.
Trust me, we feel it when we lose.
What you may not recognize is resilience. After a loss, we brush ourselves off. We pick ourselves up. We try again or try something else. Remember, parents? You taught us that. For some reason in the workplace, you may call it denial. We call it moving on.
The games might be different now. It could be failing on a project, losing bids to competitors, or getting screwed by office politics. When things don’t work out, it sucks.
Please don’t mock when someone fails, “Oh, did you still want a trophy for that?”
No, but some feedback would be nice. This is what’s important. If a coach can tell us exactly what angle to change to get the goal or a teacher can highlight where we messed up in an essay, you can give us feedback on a project. This applies to everyone, not just my generation.
How else can anyone improve?
I’m fortunate enough that I have a supportive circle of family, bosses, colleagues, and friends around me who don’t mock me. Instead, I see it happen to other people. In blogs or comments, on the news or tv, and even at the table next to me in a restaurant. I’m only one person, and while that’s enough to make a difference, more people should be nice, not bitter.
Stop thinking about the trophies. Think about the feedback, the steps for improvement, and the way you can win together. Your teammate isn’t your enemy, and if you had played sports, you would have learned that lesson, too.
Photo credit.
Life is all lessons. Whether we win or not it does not matter, as long as we learn from it. 🙂
Walter, while I agree with your statement, that’s probably the same one that led people to believe they’ve bred a trophy generation. We all win, warm and fuzzy lessons, etc. Now, not to say you shouldn’t learn lessons, but we tend to lose that focus when we all win or want to make only win-win situations. I think learning from all experiences is very important, but sadly, it does matter who wins a lot of the time. Thanks for commenting, and you bring up a good discussion point.
I hate being called the “trophy generation.” Very good post pointing out the importance of feedback, not cookies 🙂 Another thing is that wanting feedback should not be seen as needing micromanagement. I work better when I am given a big picture idea and find my own way to the end, but also appreciate feedback along the way to make sure I’m delivering what is expected. Great post!
(P.S. – I started ballet when I was 2 and still take classes today. I ended up performing with a company for seven years and danced in college. Glad to find a fellow ballerina! Do you still take classes?)
Niki, LOVE the micromanagment comment. I hadn’t even thought of it, but it’s so true. I’m all about delivering results, so really I want my project, a few check-ins along the way, then delivery. When I want feedback, usually it’s to save myself the ton of work I’ll have closer to the deadline, not because I don’t know what to do. I just can’t read people’s minds to make sure I’m on track with what they want. They are VERY different requests, but some people don’t see it that way.
(I was taking some classes, then my back was acting up. It’s been about a year, but maybe when I get the all-clear from my doc, I’ll look into it again. I did LOTS of modern in college, and I always liked that…)
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