After reading a number of posts about how social media is changing the dating scene, I wondered if there were other changes that had little or nothing to do with social media. I’m a single, female, 20-something, so *hopefully* I’m not way off base with my assumptions about how women may view romance.
- Movies have redefined romance. If you think about it, the efforts characters make in order to express “romance” have created thousands of ways you can communicate how you feel about someone. Take, for example, the ending to My Best Friend’s Girl (yes, spoiler alert). Kate Hudson and Dane Cook duke it out in a restaurant, throwing insults and food at each other. While the scene has the makings of a fight, you also know that they’re about to embrace each other in a passionate kiss. Movies provide more selection to what women consider romantic. My favorite date movie is True Romance, written by Quentin Tarantino. As you can see, the opportunity for interpretation is huge.
- Romance isn’t one-size-fits-all. There are easy ways for you to woo a girl, and often times, it’s the everyday things that really make it count. Sure, your girl may like flowers, but what if she prefers daisies over roses, do you know? Or is a monster truck rally more romantic than a night at the opera? If you have gotten to know a girl, even in the early stages of dating, you should be able to figure out her likes and dislikes. She’ll respond better when it looks like you put thought into the effort in addition to having taken the time to get to know her.
- Romance and sexting are not the same. Thanks to technology, we can be much bolder than we’d be in everyday life. We already know that computers and phones give us a layer of perceived protection, so it doesn’t feel as risky to flirt. But then flirting turns to more suggestive talk, and you eventually enter the world of sexting. The same behavior has been going on for ages through letter writing and painting, but technology sped things up. You can be more inappropriate with more people in a shorter amount of time. While little things via text might be a way to add spice to a relationship, it should never be the substitute. In fact, it’s not a good sign if one of you is too embarrassed to actually see the other person face-to-face because of your online/mobile behavior.
- Courtship is alive and well. We may not go through the same kind of “calling” social procedures anymore, but if you want to be with someone, you should make the effort. This goes both ways. Women shouldn’t wait for the man to do all the work, but if you’re actually interested, respond to her advances. Spend time getting to know each other, enjoy the moments when you aren’t racing to get to the sack. You end up not only with a level of intimacy because you’re learning about each other, but also respect because you’re showing how important time together is.
- Leading someone on is not romantic. We all like to play games. We’re passive, we’re aggressive, and sometimes, we just bowl people over. But if you’re someone who wants to keep options open, then don’t assume that the person on the other end is with you on that. If you’re really interested, do something about it. Being vague to one person, while keeping your sights on a second, could lose you both.
Ladies can take the lead on romance just as much as guys. He may love it if you show up with fried chicken and beer, promise not to talk during the game, or get up at 5am with him for morning bike rides. I would say the same advice goes all around. It’s about showing you know someone and care.
Got any other good advice on romance?
Photo Credit.
I couldn’t agree more than women need to be proactive in pursuing someone who piques their interest romantically. For me, romance is always more about spending time together in a way that feels natural than any kind of cliched, over-the-top romantic gestures that Hollywood likes to make us think are the norm.
As for advice, I think it’s crucial to know what your deal-breakers are and stick to them; don’t enter into a relationship with the expectation that “if you’re worth it, he/she will change for you.” It only leads to heartache.
.-= Ellen´s last blog ..Analysis Paralysis: A Little Less Thought, A Little More Action =-.
Ahh, spending time. That’s my favorite. For example, you know it’s love if you have a cold and you still want to curl up with them…and they with you.
I used to be so squishy with the deal breakers…learned my lesson though. Got to stick with them or you’re not being true to yourself. I know I used to mold myself to what I thought a guy wanted…that’s not sustainable. Thanks Ellen!
Dr/lura the lates best seller book of newyork times within golden rules for supporting postive relationship and enhance emotional intlligence and social skills,either way twist is latest novel by andrea kane whom especilazed in romance novel and morale in human subjects
Novels are great places for advice, but I do know we should always be sure we don’t re-enact the bad decisions.
Agreed, Emily
I think one of the most romantic things is common courtesy. On the part of both people. I can’t tell you how many times things fall apart when the Pleases and Thank Yous go by the wayside.
Remembering that your partner is your number one and should be treated with even more respect is important.
.-= mehnaz´s last blog ..Wearing Too Many Hats =-.
And it’s so easy too! I think people forget certain courtesies when they get too comfortable. So then the important things get forgotten, too, like birthdays. I know I’m super obvious about mine, but thanks to calendars, really, there’s no excuse. I’m not sure why it gets brushed aside. Thanks Mehnaz!
There’s so much I want to say about romance but I’m a hopeless romantic that’s never had a girlfriend.
So instead of advice I will say this: out of all the things in life romance is the one thing you can’t achieve through solely through hard work.
.-= Dmbosstone´s last blog ..In Which I Realize I Am Socially Awkward =-.
Romance is tricky because you have to balance it with having “game.” I think, as in any situation, you need to have confidence and know your stuff. For example, I love Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker because she knows what she’s talking about. And it’s not just her ability to cut through the crap, but even stats like what cities are good for dating, and places to meet mates vs. hook ups. Her book is great at bringing the common sense of dating back to the forefront. You may want to check it out!
I by no means consider myself a “romantic” but I will say this is the first boyfriend I’ve ever had who opens the car door for me. Every time. We’ve been dating almost a year and I have yet to open my own car door – even when I’m driving. I would think it would drive me crazy but actually I really like it. It really is the little things that count.
Another funny thing about technology is how it is changing our breakups though. I’ve seen some great articles out there about how avoiding exes is much more difficult in the digital world. Definitely some great things to think about!
Hi Ashley! I know what you mean about break ups. I actually started readjusting my friend/follower lists because of men from the past. Almost every single one of my exes is married or engaged (usually to the girl he dated after me). When I started feeling like Good Luck Chuck, I started filtering info. While I’m very happy for those guys, I know I also can’t move on thinking about someone from years ago.
And the door opening is awesome! I don’t know if I need a door-opening boyfriend per se, but I do know that having someone to keep me from tripping over myself would be awesome. I can be a klutz sometimes!