On my recent outing to Madison, I got to meet some neat people who were friends of my Brazen friends (so we’re all going to be friends now). They were asking me how I like Minnesota, and of course the topic of dating came up. As we were discussing attributes of the opposite sex that we find interesting, I mentioned that the online persona is just as important as what I find out in person. If the Google search turns up sketchy information, I’m a little hesitant.
“WHAT?!?! You GOOGLE them??”
This was the reaction of the group. Even my good friend from high school thought it was a little strange that I’ll Google someone after meeting them.
But why not?
If in meeting someone I give them my card or number, I assume that they’ll run home and Google me. If they’re networking, they’ll find me on LinkedIn. If they want to get to know me better, my blog and Brazen profile show up.
This is different from Facebook stalking.
Even if someone has a Facebook profile, I don’t spend time looking for ways around privacy settings. In fact, yay for privacy settings! Don’t ruin that first impression by having profile pics of you dancing with a red solo cup.
Perhaps this comes from meeting too many guys who like to stretch the truth a bit.
- “Yes, I’m a vice president at my company.” LinkedIn says you’re the office assistant.
- “I hate that twitter thing.” And yet you posted about our date…and that I’m a “sure thing” on our second date? Awesome.
- “I don’t participate in dangerous behavior.” Except for your YouTube channel with Jackass-style stunts.
Thanks to search, you can turn up tons of basic information about people. Just as HR is looking you up for an interview, can’t I do the same thing? Don’t worry, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. If a profile of the same name for a different city pops up, I’m not going to assume it’s you. I know there are a few Emily Jaspers out there.
I like to connect online! I want to get to know you! It’s just in a little different way than we’re used to.
Do you Google people you meet? People you want to date? What about privacy? Or the traditional “getting to know you” stage?
I have to admit — from another generation, for what that’s worth — that I do not Google.
I’m an old-fashioned girl. I still like to pull up to the house late at night and peek in through the windows, go through the garbage in the alley. It’s more personal.
🙂
Mostly Kidding,
Pearl
Ha! See, I watch shows like Sex and the City where the girls go through guys apartments, snooping to find the dirt…and I can never imagine actually doing that! But I will totally look people up online. I guess it’s like digital dumpster diving! Thanks Pearl 🙂
I don’t see anything wrong with googling someone- as long as you aren’t trying to snoop through their Facebooks or go into stalker mode, like you said. A friend of mine has recently started online dating. She was getting to know a guy who’s in a band, so when he told her the name of it, she googled them, watched some of their performances, and then she told him what she thought. Luckily she loved it and he was impressed that she had taken the time & effort to check the band out, so there’s proof that good can come out googling people!
Love the band example! I totally understand if you are in a band, are a chef, or maybe an artist, wanting to share your work. It makes sense to then find out people google your music or menus. Now, if they memorize everything and go into stalker mode, then watch out! You could end up with a groupie you can get rid of. And we all should note: don’t enter groupie mode too quickly if you want to really have a relationship! Thanks Sheema!
I think the same rules apply for people you already know. It seems like people are often ashamed to admit that they’ve been looking at a Facebook friend’s pictures or list of their favorite movies. They feel like stalkers who dug too deeply into another person’s private life. I would argue that if that friend voluntarily posted such information, it’s free game, whether the person looking at it knows them or not. You can’t hide anything on the Internet. Really interesting post!
Hi Paige, I will admit doing some profile scans of friends I haven’t talked with in a while…but they are already my friends! It’s how I find out about engagements and babies…most of us just aren’t the same buddy-buddy anymore, but I do wish them well. It’s nice not having to wait until a reunion to see how people are doing 🙂
I Google people pretty frequently and I think people should expect to be Googled in all types of circumstances. Once, we had a new coworker starting and the week before, we Googled her to check her out before she started. It’s pretty funny the kind of circumstances you came across when you Googled those guys…good thing you did 😉
Yeah, we’ve done the Google the New Girl trick too. Sometimes you just want to see what they look like, sometimes if you know any of the same people. When I lived in DC, a lot of us may not have known each other, but it turned out we had similar circles of friends. It was kind of nice to be able to say, “hey, do you know So and So? I know he went to your school.” It might help make the new person a little less nervous if you find you have things/people in common. Thanks Vicki!
Also a guilty Googler. I feel like this is AA!
I think it’s definitely the wave of networking to Google people, and most people spend time ensuring that what you Google is what they want you to see. Facebook “stalking” was one of the primary reasons I got rid of Facebook actually – I decided I was satisfying more curiosity than anything else, rather than actually proactively trying to find out about someone. Great post!
Hey Beth, I know my brother got tired of facebook and closed his account. Then when he joined a band, he didn’t have another way of promoting their shows (this was before he joined twitter, which he’s actually closed too). So, he went back on Facebook, and he’s got the same kind of profile most of us do…except he may not be doing Farmville (I don’t either). I know for me, I turned off my MySpace, I just didn’t see the point. I love twitter though, and I always love finding people there.
I really wish I had enough mind fodder to generate as many interesting blog posts as you do, on my personal blog 🙂
I Google people ALL THE TIME. Don’t mean to sound wierd, but with the very very small social circle I have, it always helps to know some background on someone I plan to meet – professionally or socially. I keep my online profile clean for this precise reason. And I’m seeing more on more people quoting my Linkedin profile when they talk to me, or finding me on Facebook and messaging me. It’s the new way of learning about others and I think it’s here to stay. I even Googled my Husband before our first date!
Awww, I love that you Googled your husband! I know that we’re finding people search us out more and more often. Apparently for my blog, “Emily Jasper” is a pretty frequent search term…I didn’t know that so many people would know me and look for me!
And when it comes to interesting ideas, that’s probably a whole other post. I pretty much walk around constantly thinking, “I should write a post about that.” It’s a little insane…
Yes I’ll admit that I’ve Google’d a date or two.
I loved how in “Up In The Air” Vera Farmiga Googles George Clooney for more info.
I think we do this because we are too impatient for the getting to know you stage- just like any other kind of information we want, we demand they we find out things about the people we meet instantly.
You know, it’s funny you talk about Googling a colleague. When I was in sales, if you didn’t know anything about the person before going into the meeting, it showed you didn’t do your homework. When I did some informational interviews for potential hires, I was SO impressed when they said they had looked me up. One even told me her favorite blog post of mine. Sure, when on a date, maybe you don’t reveal that you know the insides and outs of all the posts, tweets, and whatevers someone does online, but I also think it’s fair to acknowledge you looked a person up. Though…in our internet world, we may not think it’s strange. Others…kind of put us on the crazy train. Oh well…
Googling is not a bad idea. I try to google new people I’m going to meet to get a better understanding of who they are but I’m only going to look at one or two hits that come up not 20-30. There is a fine line between stalking and just wanting to make sure the person you are about to meet isn’t a psycho killer! Good topic Emily!
Hi Regina…isn’t it funny how we jump from “just wanting to know” to “confirming I won’t be locked in a trunk”? I’m the same way. I know even if I meet a new person in public, I still tell just about every soul I know that I’m meeting the person, and I’ll say, “Ok, his LinkedIn looks normal, BUT he could still drop me a roofie.” I even googled potential roommates…figured they’d be living with me, I HAVE to know a bit more about them.
Once, I googled an ex during an “off” phase of our “on/off” relationship. Found out he’d gotten drunk, wandered away from a party and decided to take a canoe ride on a semi-frozen pond (shortcut home apparently). Canoe capsized and he had to be rescued from the frozen water after yelling for help for awhile. It made several papers.
Needless to say, it was a big turnoff. Thanks Google!
Ah, the ex search. Yeah, I will admit I am totally guilty of that. The downside: I think I’m like Good Luck Chuck, all these former bfs are engaged or married. You just can’t torture yourself. Plus, there’s always “unfriending” and while that may suck, I did find myself suddenly liberated! Thanks Erin!
In this day and age, it’s safe to assume that your online presence and activity would be googled. Who would have thought this is possible let’s say 20 years ago?
Stanley, I can barely remember time before computers! My mom reminds me pretty frequently though…says she still fell in love with my father through letter writing.
Ya know what? People put this stuff out there knowing full well that it is now in the public domain. So, why not Google them? If there are things they wouldn’t want you to find out about, they shouldn’t post them online. It’s not like you’re judging them only on their online info, it’s just a piece of the puzzle. Great post!
Hi Sam! You’re totally right. We put it out there, we can’t be surprised if people look. And I do want to get to know people, the Google search isn’t the end of it, but like you said, just a piece of the puzzle.
Many people should be aware what they put out their on line such as TMI which can be a plus or negative, depending who is is searching them. BTW, I like the title of this blog.
Yup, do have to watch for TMI. My parents ask me all the time if I don’t think I do that 🙂 And thanks for the compliment!
Ha! LOVE it. I admit, I most definitely Google every guy I start talking to/asks me out. And there have been a few instances where the guy was TOTALLY lying. Yep, probably not going to talk to you anymore! But then there’s also times where I’m really impressed with what I find out.
Hi Sara, being impressed is always a surprise. I fully admit that I sometimes expecting the worst…but I think it’s going to end up being a normal part of who we are. Just as if you end up getting engaged to said googled gentleman, you probably would want to make sure his finances are in order before walking down the aisle (and he’ll probably want to know yours too). I think some of it is all about protection from the unknown. Thanks!
I would be flattered if someone took the time to Google me. As long as they don’t assume that my online persona is “all I’m about”, but that it is at least a part of who I am or just another perspective on my life.
That being said, I wouldn’t Google someone BEFORE meeting them for a few reasons. First of all, you want to have things to talk about when you’re together. You don’t want to have your date talking about themselves and you keep saying “oh yea I know, I saw that on your Facebook profile”, etc. It can be really awkward if the person keeps talking about something that you read about but they don’t know you knew it. You just want to make sure it doesn’t come off as “crazy-stalker” or “I don’t trust anything you say”, but rather “Yea, I’m interested in you, I want to learn more”. Kind of like in that movie Up In The Air, Alex (the girl) says something about Googling the guy after they’d seen each other a few times “because it’s what the modern girl does when she has a crush”. 🙂
Hi Carlee, when I was doing the online dating thing, I tried not to google someone before meeting them. I figured that there was something in the profile that caught my eye, I can take it from there. If I’m interested in a second date, that’s probably when I do the googling. Got to make sure he doesn’t turn up on the weekend arrest reports…:) I would like to think I have enough common sense to not spend the entire conversation saying awkward things like, “Yeah, I saw that online.” Ideally, even if I did have some info in the back of my head, it’s also a way to steer the conversation to new topics. And I haven’t seen Up In the Air…now I really need to!
[…] admit, some of her entries on Googling people and working with your boss make me think she’s been reading my […]
[…] It can be really awkward if the person keeps talking about something that you read about but they don’t know you knew it. You just want to make sure it doesn’t come off as ‘crazy-stalker’ or ‘I don’t trust anything you say’, but rather ‘Yea, I’m interested in you, I want to learn more’. Kind of like in that movie Up In The Air, Alex (the girl) says something about Googling the guy after they’d seen each other a few times ‘because it’s what the modern girl does when she has a crush’. Read more on Finding People Search […]