As a single professional woman, the social norm that a husband should be the primary breadwinner for a family presents some real concerns. A recent research paper by Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica, and Jessica Pan demonstrate that this social norm might be impacting a woman’s earning potential.
Younger couples don’t appear to have too much of a wage difference, but it seems women still earn just a little bit less than their male significant other. Additionally, some women who could earn more than a spouse continue to work for less or quit working altogether. The paper also indicates that the dynamic of a wife earning more than her husband can strain the marriage, increasing divorce rates.
As single women get older, will earning potential affect marriage potential?
Understanding that my salary could lead to my future divorce is unsettling indeed. The paper draws correlations, so I know a higher salary isn’t the only reason a couple splits, but it’s interesting to think my dating pool might be significantly diminished if my salary is an issue for men.
The authors forecast that fewer women might marry, and women could even take jobs they’re overqualified for to manage the impact the social norm is having on them personally.
I already see the discrepancy with the men I’ve been meeting. I spent my twenties moving up the professional ladder and earning an MBA. Taking a job I’m overqualified for at a lower salary just to make me better wife material never occurred to me — and then I see that I out-earn many men I meet by a significant amount.
Should I be meeting different men? Stereotypically, women might have searched for doctors, lawyers, and business executives because husbands with high earning potential could provide for the family. Do we now need to look for doctors, lawyers, and business executives so we don’t out-earn our husbands and potentially ruin the marriage?
Understanding the findings from this paper should make you a more informed dater, not a more cautious one. Many articles offer advice on how men should behave when dating a woman who earns more, and the advice can be used for women, too.
- It’s about the person, not the paycheck.
- Have good fiscal practices yourself.
- Provide in different ways, not just with money.
- Make time for each other by flexing both your schedules.
- Be honest.
Also make sure to keep working on your career. Don’t hesitate to take a promotion or bonus because it might affect your marriage potential. Instead, if the promotion adds 10 more hours to your workweek, think of how you might balance that. Work affects your personality, stress, and health. So beyond the salary, look at those factors.
Then find ways to be happy for yourself. You’ll meet others who enjoy your spirit and won’t think about money first.
What other advice would you offer for women who are out-earning their dating mates?
Marriage (Photo credit: Lel4nd)
If your job or your paycheck is going to remove some people from your dating pool, did you really want to be dating them anyway? The answer is to find a partner who doesn’t buy in to these outdated, sexist ideas.
My husband is eagerly awaiting the day when I earn enough from my job in construction so that he can quit work to be a stay at home dad. Change is good!
I have been the breadwinner for my house since we got married in 2010. My husband was finishing graduate school and now is awaiting placement. He has been supportive, but I know that he has endured his own amount of ridicule since he stays home with our 10-month old. It doesn’t make sense for him to ‘just take a job’ since child care is so expensive.
I think real men can handle it, as long as women are real women, and don’t throw it around. That’s when relationships get bad, when people assume they are worth more because of their bank account.